Freedom Is Its Own Reward: A Reflection On Pride
Pride for me has always been complicated. On one hand I am definitely one of those excited gays who wears his rainbow regalia and will walk around with his head held high. (I am the kind of gay that has a Pride flag in his apartment.) My tastes are eclectic but I definitely am fond of pop culture icons that are associated with the community. It has been a major part of who I am and at the same time I have always maintained that it is not the only thing about me. For me, Pride is a celebration of who I am and how I exist in this world. There are lots of different ways for LGBT people and allies to do this...and I am grateful that I can exist in such a large fabric.
Even now as I am writing this post, the LGBT community is still a subject of major controversy. Across the globe, sexuality and sex and gender are all being misconstrued to fit certain political agendas. In the United States we see that there is a front being carried out by our nation's leaders. On one hand we have one political party who has made it their personal mission to make sure that all LGBT people either have rights rolled back or have as little of them as possible. On the other side, we have a political party that loves our donations and our event attendance. Yet at the same time when it comes down to actually standing with us...we are often ignored. Even now as I am writing this I know that I have been just as disappointed with the political ineptitude of today's Democratic party as I am with the monstrous work of several Republican leaders.
Make no mistake...I am not against Republicans or Democrats. My friends and acquaintances I have vary where they stand on their political positions. I maintain my humanity and oftentimes that means I have to collaborate and learn about ideas, opinions, and perspectives from those who disagree with me. Every day is an opportunity, and with every one that passes I find myself wading through and learning more than before. This is a freedom for me. It was denied to me while I was young when I lived with a father who was not accepting of my philosophy or sexuality. What I learned over the past couple of years is that you can only maintain relationships with people if they are willing to love and accept you for you. Some people are incapable of doing that and it is what leads to the absolving of friendships and even family bonds.
In the United States we definitely see a continuance of the culture wars. Even the LGBT community is divided over the bans on drag shows, the misinformation that is shared about transition hormones on both the "Left" and the "Right" and the social and economic strain of multiple crises. Our spaces we go to celebrate are threatened by all kinds of people who want to see us dead. They despise, envy, fear, and misunderstand us. There are also those who prey on us and leave us to die. We have people who scam and steal from us because they see our struggles and try to take advantage of them. We are also vilified by establishments who would rather see us divided and scared because then we are easier to control.
We are also in an era where we are desperately in need of leadership. Few of the leaders we have actually stand on the side of what is good for us. Some steal from others and claim what they stole as their own. Others hide behind their identities and use them to get away with atrocious behavior. Still others will not bear the same level of consequences should we fail. When we have housing, health, safety, international, environmental, and economic concerns that all need to be addressed... we wonder where the leaders of our community are and what they are doing. When we know for a fact that oftentimes even the people closest to us are not supportive or safe...we have to be there for one another and we need our allies too.
I am speaking from personal experience. Having someone in your corner can make a huge difference. My Dad was not a good man. Some of my family members also looked the other way or tried to urge me to forgive and forget and maintain a relationship with him. Meanwhile, I had to bury the trauma I endured while studying and working. It was members of my inner-circle...LGBT and not...who saw my struggles and stepped in to help me and to encourage me when my family was unable. It was also my own self who had to step in and be my greatest champion when I was hitting rock-bottom. It was I who had to take responsibility for my life.
I am writing this reflection because I know somewhere out there, there is a member of the LGBT community who is struggling with similar trials and tribulations. It is not easy when the people who don't accept you are also the ones who are your blood. It is not easy when you are living a life that is disingenuous to who you are naturally. We grow up and remember hearing the horror stories of children who were outed by classmates or teachers and how parents reacted negatively. We all remember hearing how "conversion" camps were atrocious places that were used to try and make us "straight" or to be "more like a man or woman."
Now as we speak we are under threat not only from these atrocities, but those who seek to exploit us for corporate purposes. Somewhere... somebody thinks, knows, and feels they are different. They feel awkward, scared, tense. A lot of them feel hopeless and they want it all to end. Some of them feel the pressure to undergo therapies so they can fit in. Others feel the push to express interest in those they are not attracted to and thus avoid being outed or getting negative attention. We live in a time where the United States is not alone in these struggles. Nations all over the world are still grappling with our mere existence-- let alone whether we deserve to be a part of society or not. Elsewhere, people around the world are in hiding and are doing what they can to escape atrocious living conditions. Many of them are trying to emigrate to countries where they know it is better. Yet if they do get to them, they become a part of the matrix and their struggles are exploited for the profits.
In this day and age we are so caught up in the identity politics and trying to be more "woke" than the person next to us, that we are completely missing the point. Social Justice is about standing for the human rights and liberties of all people. We are also supposed to be our own best champions. We need people who do, think, speak, and are different. Our coalitions are stronger when we build community together. Yet we have created a culture that is so afraid of expressing ideas that are not considered "correct." This fear will ultimately rip us apart and make us vulnerable to those who seek to devour and discard us. The fear of being "canceled" is dangerous. It is perfectly reasonable to be afraid of being isolated and alone. Humans-- we were not meant for that. Our species evolved to this point because we did so as a part of a community with others. The fear of it will ultimately smother the movement for freedom, justice, and equality. It will also destroy diversity, inclusion, and equity. We are more effective when we live authentically and genuinely. If we do not want to become the very thing we aspire against...we need room for our differences.
Everyone's story is unique. There are times where I wish I had more courage to be who I was when I was younger...but I can't change my past. In the end, I was doing the best with what I had and what I knew. Now that I am older, I can see how grateful I am for the risks and the trials younger me endured to get me here. I see pictures of my younger self---with long hair, freckles, glasses, braces, and extremely awkward social anxiety-- and I am so grateful for him. He made one of the bravest choices that he could...and that was stepping away from the boxes that were imposed on him. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have had the freedom to explore myself; the person that I am today wouldn't exist. We are not the worst things that ever happened to us. I am not the wrath that my father inflicted on me for being different. I am not the jealousy and the outrage that many family members expressed when I decided to further my education. Nor am I only the boxes society says I belong in.
What I am is a human with a lot of love and a lot of desire to do good in this world. What I am is someone who is doing what he can to make a difference. What I am and what I become is ultimately my choice. Tragedy strikes everyone at some point in our lives. How we choose to respond to the struggles is the definition of our character. In these dark times I want to choose human decency...even when it is not easy.
Freedom is its own reward. It's one that many people take for granted and it is also being surely robbed out from under our feet in America. Every day our rights and liberties are being bought and sold in the name of a political system that has only the interests of the rich and powerful in mind. Even basic human decency and reason are being forgone. What should unite us is being used at the same time to divide and conquer. For the sake of ourselves and those who come after we must do better. We need more authenticity. We need more liberty. We need more love.
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